I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
