im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
