she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
