He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
