we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
