I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
