dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
