No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
