I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
