I wish you could order shots online.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
