Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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