I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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