you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize