I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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