i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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