I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
