She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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