The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
