I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
