We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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