when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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