Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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