he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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