I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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