either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
