I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
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