I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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