I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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