So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's never too late to be topless.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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