Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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