I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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