I could have mohawked her pubes.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
