in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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