he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
