I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
