i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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