I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
