Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
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I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
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Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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