Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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