I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
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So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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