I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
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I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
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He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize