I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
