She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
