So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
