It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize