i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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