So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
