sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
