She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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