remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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