drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
