just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
