Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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