he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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