I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
