Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
