Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
