Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You are the jesus of drinking
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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