Just cropdusted the office
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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