Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
