I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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