Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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