I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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