SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am spending my child support on dildos
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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