We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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