I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
