Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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