my mouth tastes like poor choices
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
