dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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