one word: firstdatebathroomanal
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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